Hobbes' sex escape!
HAHAHHA, this is so funny. One of the -(MP)- clan members had a little unexpected displeasing pleasure event last night. Damn some weird people out there! But what am I saying? I spend enough time on the NET and out with people from all sorts of social classes and walks of life, I should know that. Yet, it still comes as a surprised to me when it manages to humor me. Something like this I would usually just ignore and not even think over. I guess it happening to a clan member might have something to do with it.
Here it is:
CMP Member: Hobbes
Title: Had the weirdest sex last night, ended up bailing
You can find the post here.
First and foremost, me having sex period is already worthy of a topic, but this girl was fucking WEIRD!
Ok, was at a party and drunk beyond repair. I see this girl standing there, begging for penis. So i go over and start talking to her. She starts telling me about how when she was a kid she would run around her yard and step in dogshit, and scrape it off with her bare fingers (while she is telling me she is laughing her ass off and im just staring like wtf...). I let it slide, figuring since she was a kid she didn't know any better (when i was a kid i used to eat ants for god sakes). We start talking more, and eventually im bringing her off to a side room, to ya know...HAVE SEX!@!! LOOLZ!1. We get in there and she says "Ask me out" im like Whoa whoa hunny...I only want temporary ass not full time, then shes like "No ask me out, ill say yes, then we can have sex, makes me feel like less of a slut, were not gonna really date" ...Uh...that makes absolutley no sense but whatever, and I ask her out. She says yes then starts kissing me (score, im in). While we were kissing, she starts kissing my cheek and working to my ear, then starts licking my ear. Ive had 1 girl do this to me before, and I dunno if it turns other guys on, but getting my ear nibbled on is a waste of time. But being that I wanted some anus, I let her do her thing. Then, out of nowhere, she fucking clamps onto my ear, bites it so damn hard, im like "HEY OW WTF!" she finally stops, and before she can start nibling my nuts or something I start playing with the boobies. Then, while playing with The Boobies™ she asks me if I could pour something on her and lick it off. "Mother fuck ya" i say, she goes to the bathroom and comes back with a cup of water...WATER?? wtf, i mean chocolate syrup or caramel or hell even milk would be better...water...sweet...i was horny so I did it. Finally, after the fucking freak show, im fapping away with a big ass smile. After a few mins, she starts screaming her head off, which is fine, but she was screaming screaming, like the rest of the party was at the door like "WTF IS GOING ON!". I had her in the missionary and all was well, then she fucking slaps me and says "ya bitch". Im like EX-FUCKING-CUSE ME?? Im supposed to slap YOU and say "ya bitch" wtf do you think your doing?. Now, I have been letting a lot of things slide during this bizarre sexual encounter, but this is where I actually stepped in, I said "Hey, your getting a little crazy, just lay back and enjoy it, like normal people". I definatley hit a nerve cause the look on her face after I said that was priceless. She gave me the Im angry/sad/still horny look. But nonetheless, we start going back at it, its going good and all then, the absolute whammy, this took the last straw and fucking chopped it to pieces. Im railing her out, having a fucking blast, she does a really loud moan, and blows the biggest fart right into my face, I literally felt the breeze, and instead of trying to play it off like nothing happened or atleast muffle it with a cough, she laughs and says "Hahah! did you hear that fart I just did?". I shit you not, I pulled out, packed up, and walked right out of the room. Later during the night she tried to flirt with me, asking if I wanted to finish I said "Nah Im all set" then she ended up leaving and stuff, and I had a nice campfire story for the rest of the party. The girl was so weird, and requested the weirdest shit, like id love to have licked choclate syrup off her or something, but water? wtf is that...and ripping ass in my face then announcing it? gtfo lady.
The moral of the story: No matter how horny you are, it might be best to just tuck your balls in and gtfo of there before you get shitted on.
and my reply....
hahahah, this is fucking hilarious, it started alright, but then, ROFL, turned into a fucking freak story, lol, I will have to post this on few other places, hahahah
Man, this is fucked up.
About the water, maybe she just adapted to the situation and used what's at hand, instead of trying to search for some other eatable substance. It might take too long.
OR, which is worst. Seeing that she likes it weird, she might like the golden shower, and in her imagination that water was something else. In which case, even worst for you, because in her mind you had some pee.
Poor Hobbes !!!